Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Page 5 of 7 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Sun Feb 05, 2012 9:15 am

Thanks for the verbal hugs. Still feeling quite sad. The nursing home he's in (in Globe, Ariz, our home town) is about a 13 hour drive from here (or a 1 hour drive to an airport which flies direct to Phoenix, then a 1 hour drive to Globe from there in a rental car). So it's not an easy or inexpensive commute. Frankly, I've been hesitant about calling. The first time I did, he got very upset and it took some time to calm him down (the nurses told me later). He has a lot of rage that explodes at times. Not so much lately, as the staff's been working with him. So I've been just writing every other week. He is such a lost and tragic soul. Admittedly much of it was created by his own poor choices in the past, but since his choices were an aftereffect of things outside his control (one of those Vietnam vets who never really made it home), there's a point where all that is irrelevant and you just feel the pain. I'll be contacting his social worker to see if there's anything I could send that might help (my thoughts are perhaps a cd player so he'd have music to listen to). Right now any prayers sent his way would be appreciated. God did create a miracle in how he got into care in the first place, so I'd love now for God to help some peace find its way into his soul.
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Maxecat on Sun Feb 05, 2012 11:38 am

Always,what a tragic story. We used to think dying in combat was the worst that could happen but living with a continuing mental battle....my son does dental autopsies on soldiers killed overseas.He had to do one last week that involved basically the torso of a young man,no legs,one arm and no recognizable human features left on his face...there were 7 teeth left to work with. Colin found two markers that could be compared with dental records and the man was identified for his family.
Colin never had many opinions on military issues except for financial waste involved but since being at Walter Reed and Dover he's become very distressed at the ruination of lives,especially young lives.
He works with the remains but passes through the wards of those rehabing..he used to be a physical therapist so he knows the hard work ahead of them..what he's most concerned about is the number of emotional wounds that aren't going to heal.
The media doesn't know or chooses not to report the number suicides,attempted and completed, done by young military personnel post duty..especially after serving in the middle east and Aftghanistan.

And the military doesn't seem to know how to heal the body,mind connection.They need more funds for therapists and workshops but the money goes toward the hardware.

Nothing seems to have changed since our country first took up arms. A victory on paper or lines changing on a map has nothing to do with the shattered lives of those who made the difference.

When your brother returned from Nam was he into drugs or alcohol? I feel like the Nam boys were the ones abandoned by the government who sent them to fight an unpopular war.Upon returning they received more scorn than help and I think that appalling.I don't judge the path they took in order to live with their memories but I wish it could have been different.

I'll add your brother to my prayers,though I'm not sure how to phrase the request...I'll try asking for peace of mind,though I fear that only death will ever grant that request.
I think your cd idea is a good one...or a small dvd player ? an distraction would probably help and sent with a sister's love should have its own magic.

sorry about the long post, I find it hard to condense body/mind thoughts...
avatar
Maxecat
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:53 pm

When your brother returned from Nam was he into drugs or alcohol? I feel like the Nam boys were the ones abandoned by the government who sent them to fight an unpopular war.Upon returning they received more scorn than help and I think that appalling.I don't judge the path they took in order to live with their memories but I wish it could have been different.

So sad, but so horribly true. They were abandoned by everyone. He turned to drugs, then after he crashed that way, got clean of drugs, but then turned to alcohol to escape. Eventually that, plus probably a genetic disposition to dementia (my Mom had Alzheimer's, and he takes after her side of the family), have injured his mind beyond repair. He was of a nature (artistic, musical) that should never have been sent into a combat zone. It destroyed him. He was drafted, but chose to serve while others ran away. He was awarded three medals for valor under fire and was honorably discharged. Then he was discarded. The VA still declined assistance when I approached them on his behalf, stating that his condition was self-inflicted. Right. It was. Had he received a physical wound to merit a Purple Heart, he would be totally taken care of by them. But they don't count mental and emotional wounds.

He is surely no angel and did a lot of awful stuff. It was a challenging life lesson for me to be able to separate the person from the deeds. Now all I can see is a very lost and lonely little boy who doesn't understand what's happening.

I know I sound angry here. This may sound a bit rambly but here's a muchly condensed version of some of the backstory if anyone wants to read on. You have no idea how much I battled the system, first to get help for him while he was still on his own, then later. At one point, I had the Scottsdale Crisis Intervention chief (he was wonderful), the head of the VA hospital in Phoenix and John McCain's office all standing by to help. But because of the law, my brother had to take the first step. He refused to accept saying he didn't need help. Mind you, he was quite paranoid at that time as well and no one, including me dealing with him long distance, knew how mentally ill he really was. He fooled many people for many years about my Mom's and his own conditions. I still feel guilt that the smoke and mirrors took me in for as long as they did. (I could rationalize since I was handling many more crises on my own homefront, but it doesn't help much.) Finally, after he refused to let me visit, I'd had to call the Intervention Unit who removed our Mom from the house and placed her in a nursing home (longer story, another miracle involved, another very horrid time --- it was not a fun time for anyone concerned), and as the domino effect continued, he cut off all contact for nearly a year, at some point most likely had a stroke (refusing his co-workers' offers of help), then couldn't work much, then couldn't work any more, sounded drunk every time I could reach him on the phone, and another year later was no longer paying either the mortgage or the hoa fees thus facing foreclosure and eviction. So my Mom's condo in Scottsdale where he was living had to be sold - yet another miracle that was involved with that (selling a totally trashed condo in just three days via long distance was impossible, but it happened - I did aquire power of attorney for my Mom when she was placed in her nursing home which helped), he got his half of the funds in cash (we all knew that wasn't good, but legally had no recourse) and then totally disappeared for a year. No one knew where he was, even folks he'd been in fairly close contact with. There were a lot of prayers sent, I tell you, and at last there was one day when something reached a point within me (a prayer group was praying with me). About a week later I got a call from the last of my cousins still living in our old home town. He had been to the doctor to have a knee injury checked up on, when the doctor asked him if by any chance he was related to the guy they had in intensive care. It was my brother. He had gone back to our home town (about 100 miles from Scottsdale) and had lived there alone in a dumpy motel, drinking himself to death, for nearly a year without contacting any one. He finally was found collapsed by the motel staff who called 911. At that point the doctors declared him incompetent and, with everyone just accepting me as the responsible party, I was finally able to begin getting him under long term care. Yeah, more miracles were involved for sure in that part as well. He now is in a small, but nice long term facility who deal with dementia patients. It's in our home town, which was important to him.

I know what you mean about how to pray. I face that myself, and like you, have decided to pray that God will bring peace to his soul. I don't know what that involves. I leave it in God's hands.

Sorry for the length of this. Believe me, this is a very abbreviated version.
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Karentia on Sun Feb 05, 2012 1:51 pm

Always, you are an amazing person to have gone through this battle with your brother. So many would have just left him as someone who has fallen off the earth & let him go. I am so glad to hear that you have been following him as well as you can, keeping what tabs on him as possible and doing everything you have been able to do! You are a force of nature, woman!

It is horrid how the military has treated their tools for so many years - because the average soldier is only that, a tool. if it doesn't seem to work right, no matter how straight it is, they just toss it aside & grab the next tool.

Sending healing and soothing thoughts to him. And for you as well. Family is important.

I think the cd idea is good, with a set of music to go with it? Perhaps compilation cd's of the 70's? 60's? Or classical, jazz, soothing, zydeco? I don't know his tastes obviously, but a nice mix could be helpful - then again, with the memory issues, just one compilation could keep him happy for hours. I know how my dad was with one of my photo/art books - would just keep flipping back and forth for an hour, making notes, and planning an art show for this artist.
avatar
Karentia
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Lady on Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:44 pm

Always, I`m very touched by your story. It is hard for me to expres right my feeling in English, but I can sign under everything Karentia wrote in last post.

I think to pray for his soul to find the peace is very good idea. I`ll keep you and him in my mind. And here is big hug to you. Take care.
avatar
Lady
Phoenix
Phoenix


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:18 pm

Thanks so much for the prayers and support. I just got off the phone from talking to my brother's nurse (fortunately she's the same one who called yesterday so she knew what had been going on), and she said whatever I said to him seemed to really help him settle down. He was much calmer after the phone call, and has been doing well today. He was napping when I called, so I didn't want them to wake him. We discussed the radio/cd/cassette player and, like me, she wasn't sure whether that would be something he'd use, but we both figure it's worth a try. I had already been out and found a belt clip radio/cassette player this morning. I also looked at a personal cd player but thought it would be too confusing for him to use, so even though it's harder to find cassettes any more, that's what I got. It's also got an am/fm radio, so that gives more options. It's worth a try! Now I have to find some easy listening cassettes... eBay and Amazon here I come...

You are a force of nature, woman!
That brought a chuckle! The Crisis Intervention guy once called me a bulldozer (in a good way) because I just kept on shoving obstacles aside to get things done. The blessings/curse of being the eldest child/big sister, I guess!
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Karentia on Sun Feb 05, 2012 6:38 pm

Good to hear that you were a calming influence this time. I know I need to go take my dad out for a day to give my brother a small break, but with my new schedule & trying to find a new home, more difficult to squeeze this in.

I can't imagine trying to do the cooridination you have accomplished from over a state away! Shocked Don't mess with you! Laughing

avatar
Karentia
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Magical Music Dreamer on Sun Feb 05, 2012 6:53 pm

You are a nice sister Always, getting your brother the cassette player/radio. You might be able to find a software program to transfer cd music to the computer then to the cassette. We have one that transfers data to and fro dvd/VHS cassettes. But it sounds like a lot of trouble.

I am sorry that things are so sad. At least he has good care.

My husband is a Vietnam vet. He doesn't want to talk about it, so we don't.
avatar
Magical Music Dreamer
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Maxecat on Sun Feb 05, 2012 7:43 pm

I wonder how many similar stories like this are played out daily. I'm afraid your brother was doomed the moment he was sent to that hell hole.That experience plus the genetic predisposition...my heart aches for you both. How lost he must feel when he's aware of his surroundings.

When drugs are involved it changes the personality so dramatically.

It seems he has found a good place.

avatar
Maxecat
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:28 pm

Seriously, yes, God played a hand in getting my brother where he is. There were NO spaces available anywhere in Globe's long term care homes when my brother was to be released. They were going to have to put him in another city. Just hours before the release time, a bed opened up in Globe so he was able to stay where he so very much wanted to be. That was only one of the many things I saw happen for both my Mom and my brother. Prayer really does work and miracles really do happen. (Come on, Social Security even bent its rules for me. When does THAT happen?)

By the way, for any of you on facebook, the brother you see there now and then is (obviously, but I thought I should clarify it) not the brother in the rest home. That "Xena and Gabrielle fan" is the younger of my two younger brothers, who is, thankfully, doing very well!
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Maxecat on Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:56 pm

I've never doubted there is a Plan...or at least, comfort and inspiration available when asked for.
Some days I feel like I was spiritually asleep for a long time,even though I thought I was in touch with my higher self.

I fully expect Miracles,large and small to present themselves as needed and I'm never disappointed. took a while to recognize them..but,every time I read blessings coming to others it makes it easier to believe they are there ready to bless me as well.

I'm so glad to hear of yours,Always. Faith moving mountains is one thing...getting bureauracy to work for you is something else. You must have the ear of Michael the Archangel..champion of justice..He'd probably put in a good word for a wounded warrior as well.

I know there's no happy ending to your brother's story but maybe he can be blessed with tranquiltiy more often than frustration in the next chapters of his life.
avatar
Maxecat
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Weesa on Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:06 pm

Always I applaud your care of your brother. Having worked in a facility that cared for people with alzheimers and other forms of dementia and illness I know hard it must be for you, so many people
just dump their loved ones and never bother to return or check on them. The music idea sounds terrific I used to play Bennie Goodman on the cd player because it calmed the people in my care during the dinner hour. For those who enjoyed tv I made sure to keep it on the channel that showed old movies (alot of them silent). I found it made them more themselves in some ways to be surrounded by familiar things and to be able to do things they had once enjoyed. One lady even tried to teach me German (which I would like to learn) and recited math problems at a speed that boggles my mind. Found out she was married to a man who was from Germany and that she had always been good at math from her family on one of their visits. The music of Bennie brought her to life so to speak and for a short time the lost look disappeared from her eyes. Hmm..I'm rambling. This is one subject I could go on about. As for the mistreatment of vets I have long been baffled how anyone could blame the soldiers who protect us for following orders from people who often times don't have a clue what they are doing. Perhaps if you sent him a book of art to look at and some art pencils and sketch pad he would enjoy those in addition to the music. Will keep you in my thoughts.
avatar
Weesa
Admin
Admin


http://weesa-asiseeit.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Maxecat on Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:39 pm

Learned something new about you today,Weesa...had no idea you used to do that kind of work. I bet you've seen the best and the worst in people.

I bet the measured patterns in some music can be so soothing to some brains and stimulate others. Maybe it takes a little trial and error but I bet there's the perfect music for everyone. (no rap or blue grass for me,please but bring on almost everything else)
avatar
Maxecat
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Weesa on Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:54 pm

Yep for awhile I was a resident aide at an assisted living/alzheimers facility. There were two areas to the building the front side was for the residents who just weren't able to manage at home any longer for various reason but for the most part still had their faculties about them. The back part was the locked unit for those who suffered from alzheimer's and various other dementias. It was a locked down unit because residents would wander off other wise. Don't know about the musics patterns and came across the helpful Bennie Goodman by accident. There were some employees that chose to play rap music on the cd boom box and one had left it on at shift change so when I had the chance to I went to take out the disc and see if there was anything else to play. Happened to read the name Bennie Goodman out loud and the lady I mentioned above went all giggly and said something like ooh he's a fine one. So I put the disc in and received such a positive response I did some research and found that a lot of familiar stuff was soothing so continued it. It helped to know I could give them something of themselves back when they had lost so much. There were so many heartbreaking cases that I don't recommend that type of work for someone who's just looking for a paycheck. You have to be prepared to give them your all they deserve it.
avatar
Weesa
Admin
Admin


http://weesa-asiseeit.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Maxecat on Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:50 pm

I agree there has to be more involved than a paycheck because that kind of care giving has to take a lot out of you. I suppose that's one of the reasons you hear about abuse in some places..not careful enough screening...either that or there are too few people who can handle the job for long.

maybe old Benny brought back some youthful memories of swing and jive?
avatar
Maxecat
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:13 pm

Thanks for the tip. I have ordered some cassettes, including Buddy Rich and Gene Krupa since my brother used to love them both (he was a drummer). Perhaps some Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller wouldn't hurt!

Weesa... you have my admiration for doing the work. It is a tough job and I make sure to thank and pray for those who are the caregivers.
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Magical Music Dreamer on Mon Feb 06, 2012 11:07 pm

I have played the harp at many rest homes, including several Alzheimer's units. They like music. I try to play olders songs they know...and for the worst places, a lot of Christian songs which they seem to like. It is sad to see them, but they like the music. One place I played had a man who whistled all of the time, at least he was a good whistler. It was difficult, but I made it through. I wouldn't enjoy doing that all of the time...but occasionally, it is okay.
avatar
Magical Music Dreamer
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Weesa on Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:30 pm

It was nice to be helpful. Now that I'm in the position of not being able to some of the things I used to do I can see why some of them get a bit grumpy at times. It sucks to lose the activities you enjoy.
avatar
Weesa
Admin
Admin


http://weesa-asiseeit.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  muggleborn on Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:29 pm

Always, I'm so sorry about your brother. It's really good of you to look after him like you do, despite past problems. I have a MIA brother who doesn't talk to anyone, won't answer calls. It's very hurtful, but I guess that's the way he wants it.

The music sounds like a good idea. Do you have any used game stores around where you live? We have a Slackers by us and they sell new and used games, cd's, cassettes and vinyl records (didn't know you could find them anymore).

I hope your brother can find some peace.
avatar
muggleborn
Ashes
Ashes


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Fri Feb 10, 2012 9:38 am

Will find out if the music helps. I've found a selection of music to see if he'll listen to it and will get everything shipped off this weekend. His nurses will keep me posted and we all hope this works for him.
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Lady on Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:25 pm

Today I visited my grandpa in hospital. He is doing well, only his brain isn`t working good. Good is, he loves eating now. I brought him some cake and apple compot (stewed apple). He asked me for the chocolate. The only trouble is he has diabetes so we have to be careful with the meal.

After that I visited grandma. She has surgery on Friday and is doing very well too. I helped her with the washing. We hope tommorow they will remove the surgical drains and she will be able to move freely. Probably around Wednesday we will have her at our house.

Always, any news with your brother and the music?
avatar
Lady
Phoenix
Phoenix


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:56 pm

Lady... The cassette player and tapes are scheduled to be delivered tomorrow (took a while to round up cassettes that I thought he might like). Sure hope it helps!

Prayers continue for your grandparents. Sounds like they're in good hands right now.
avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Lady on Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:35 pm

Today we visited the oncologists (sorry, don`t know the right spelling). Unfortunately grandma is having type of cancer that is quite agressive and pills don`t react very well with it. So first he suggested chemotherapy but due to her age and other factors he changed his mind and want her to attend radiotherapy. It means every day for five weeks in another town, plus the pills. We were told that both pills and radiotherapy don`t have big side effects. She was quite depressed with it, I`m quite satisfied. If it is really all, after 5 weeks it will be over. Good point of the day was, dr. wrote her some physiotherapy and luckily she started today. Rehabilitation nurse was surprised how well is she healing and moving her arm. I can see the improvement every day and I hope she will be self-sufficient soon. It is nice to have her at our house and I think she enjoys it here. But on the other hand it is very tiring and we can`t use our bedroom what causes a lot of problems.

Always has your brother liked cassette player and tapes?
avatar
Lady
Phoenix
Phoenix


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Maxecat on Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:45 pm

Lady, I'm sorry your grandmother has another struggle ahead of her. I am glad there are options other than chemotherapy. Radiation is rough but localized and chemo seems to attack the whole body. It sounds like she's a good fighter if she's recovering so well from surgery. I bet she feels better just being with you and your family.It may be inconvenient but think of how much good you're doing for her!

I have posted a prayer request at the Fire section of the Pathways forum,especially with a request for you,Lady, to help with my brother in law's surgery.

The details are there,but I wanted you all to find it because you're all so strong and have helped so much in the past.
Lady,I've asked his wife if he'd accept healing prayers and energy and she said he'd be grateful for anything sent his way.
She wanted to know why I was asking permission to have prayers said and without getting too techinical (I knew she'd never understand Reiki) I explained that while all prayers bring comfort there's even more power when the person realizes that others care enough to send their energy on his behalf and consciously accepts the grace that is offered. I hope that's permission enough for a true Reiki healing.

Once again,I think it goes back to the powerful Mind/Body/Soul connection.Realizing that good intentions are being sent in times of crisis has got to trigger a positive,comforting response. Just knowing you're not alone,in any situation has got to be beneficial.
avatar
Maxecat
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: Body,Mind,Spirit connection

Post  Always on Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:48 am

Lady... My brother is relaxing and enjoying the music from what the administrator told me. His eye is also healing well, so I'm sure it's all working together. Thanks, everyone, for the prayers!

avatar
Always
Elite Member
Elite Member


Back to top Go down

Page 5 of 7 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum